Love is all you need. And wine.

When I was in my twenties I had the grand idea that love was the solution to any circumstance, and was essentially all I needed. Today, I still believe that love is all I need, plus a psychiatrist, and medication, a bunch of dogs, and a glass of wine. A gigantic glass of wine…maybe just two glasses…no more than one bottle, tops.

Decades ago my husband and I thought it would be a good idea to start a family. So, we had two kids, I like one. In case you’re horrified that I would put into print such truth, maybe there’s comfort in the fact that both my kids know without doubt, they are that one.

My son is a genius, and he’s Autistic. Both are bigger than I can handle sometimes. And if it feels too much for me, I can’t even imagine what it feels like for his younger sister.

Occasionally, Autism brings along a few sidekicks, and in my son’s case that includes Depression, OCD, an Anxiety disorder, and ADHD.   So sometimes, my incredible boy is harder to reach than others, and sometimes he’s here, and available, and voices dreams that he has for his life. And I get so excited, and I jump into mom mode, because he deserves to experience all those things. Then, without warning, he’s derailed, because maybe there was a medication change, or he did too much the day before, or he didn’t sleep well, or the texture of his shirt is uncomfortable, or I forgot to give him two days advanced notice that ‘cable guy’ was going to be at the house, or his favorite shorts are dirty. It’s so hard to watch. My heart hurts, because in those moments, I am acutely aware of his dreams getting tucked away for another day. I wish so desperately that love was all he needed.

I must have had my son because the Universe knew that I needed years and years of therapy, and was too stubborn to get it on my own. I took my daughter to see the therapist because if I had to go, so did she. The therapist asked, “what’s a typical scenario when the two of you but heads?” My daughter turned slowly and looked right at me and asked, “Did she just call us butt-heads?” We left, and she didn’t go back.

My friend is a therapist, and she told me that most therapists go to a therapist! Interesting, right? I guess you don’t have to have all the answers to be able to help someone. That’s such a relief because clearly, I’m not a genius, since I just had to use spell-check to spell Guinness genius.

Listen to the Podcast  – JHA003: Love is …